Now, here's where the cool part comes in.
On Thanksgiving night, Schilling - an admitted internet buff - goes to the Red Sox message board on mlb.com and submits a lengthy post to fans about the potential trade (keep in mind, the Red Sox haven't won the world series since 1918, their fans are more than a little tortured). Then, he chatted with the most ardent Sox fans on another message board called The Sons of Sam Horn.
Ultimately, when he decided to waive his no trade clause and go to Boston, he mentioned the passion of the Sons of Sam Horn guys as a main motivation.
Now - a professional athlete who made $15,000,000 last year BSing with 20 Red Sox fans at 3 a.m. on Thanksgiving Night? Can you remember any situation where a player was influenced by the fans like this? Good stuff!
* Every time I watch the Starbucks ad with the guys from Survivor playing "Eye of the Tiger" in an elevator, it just breaks my heart. Look - I'm 30, I grew up with Rocky III, Balboa vs Clubber Lang, with a cameo by the Incredible Hulk Hogan as "Thunderlips." I remember - heck, I vicariously lived - the whole Rock & Wrestling Connection with Cyndi Lauper, Mr. T et al.
Mock me if you will, but I used to pose to "Eye of the Tiger" prior to wrestling "steel cage" matches as a pup. Now, Survivor hawks Double Grande Latte's to it. Wonderful.
Honestly, it was fun watching both the Cubs and Sox collapse like they did last week - both with 3 run leads in the 8th inning, 5 outs away from the Promised Land - just 2 sorry sac franchises, biting the dust, with their pathetic fans. The looks on the Cubbie fans' faces - drunk idiots crying in their beer - was truly priceless!
* Now fast forward to the World Series. The marketing geniuses at FOX TV made a big deal all night - Games 1 & 2 - of promoting Joe Millionaire, as though their target audience is people who will be home watching baseball on Saturday night.
Sorry, dummies, guys home drinking beer & watching Yankees/Marlins are not gonna enjoy watching a nimrod in a cowboy hat surrounded by a bunch of greedy bitches. Their ***wives*** are who you target.
October 23, 2003
* Funny story from Game 7, Yankees/Red Sox. As if there aren’t enough curses on Boston’s hapless franchise (from Babe Ruth to Bill Buckner to "team players" Manny & Pedro to WFAN’s Christopher "Mad Dog" Russo guaranteeing a win), the team had the nerve to paint the World Series 2003 Logo on the field at Fenway Park before the team actually advanced to the World Series. Talk about a jinx!
Here’s a great article on the net that captures their pain, from Bill Simmons of espn.com.
Premier List Home | Plan a Party | Cruises | HunkOMania | LimoBus | Directory | Concierges | Blog & Music
May 22, 2004
VH1 right now has a special called "100 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever." I'm inspired to blog about it.
Now - a few were right on target - "Rumpshaker", anything by part-woman, part-toad Bette Midler, "Achy Breaky Heart"....all horrendous.
However, there are 4 that I highly object to:
1. "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. More than just creative lyrics, a great beat, and a sexy video, "Barbie Girl" was featured in a classic "Queer as Folk" episode. It even inspired an unsuccessful lawsuit from Mattel against Aqua for copyright infringement, saying that Aqua associated "sexual and unsavory themes with Mattel's Barbie products."
A song that had an impact on a great TV show, copyright law and my libido all at once - show some respect for it, please!
2. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McPherin. Are you f*#@ing KIDDING me?!?! This is one of my favorite songs of all time! This countdown has no credibility whatsoever. Which leads me to...
3. "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice. OK, this one has memories for me: High School Senior Prom, 1991, me and my buddy Eric Hodge in the middle of the dance floor while everyone forms a circle around us. Hodgie and I rapping the song back and forth while the masses cheered us on (or laughed at us, but we didn't know the difference, or care).
4. "Heartbeat" by Don Johnson. Because I went to said Senior Prom in a "Miami Vice" tux. Don't ask :)
Some more random thoughts, while we're here:
* Probably the most ridiculous "auction" I've ever seen is being held by netzero.com. They're auctioning to the highest bidder the right to be Jennifer@netzero.com or melissa@netzero.com or whatever the hell your name is at netzero.
Now - I don't know about you guys, but I get a TON of spam as it is. I know for a fact that a lot of companies that create bulkmail ("get your diploma now' is my favorite, as my law degree gathers dust") put any name you can think of as the userID of a domain name, and throw them on the list.
So, why would someone WANT that? Are their friends so stupid that they can't remember or write down anything beyond name@netzero.com?
Did you know that there is a website dedicated to the 18th Birthday of the Olsen twins. There's even a "Countdown" to let everyone know, to the second, when each twin comes of age. To some people, an 18th birthday is a time of celebration. To older men, it's a time where legal sanctions are lifted.
I blame Jerry Seinfeld's relationship with ShoshanaWhatever for this! It reminds me of a sign I saw while driving through Alabama once:
"Statutory Rape is Illegal in Alabama"
Really? You don't say???
* Finally, folks, I have three words for ya, words that will inspire multiple beatings at whatever high school Gwenyth Paltrow sends the kid to:
Apple Paltrow-Martin
(Note whose last name came first on THAT birth certificate!)
May 10, 2004
Another "random topic" blog:
* OK, I know a lot of you reading this watch Friends, and will be annoyed by what I'm about to write:
Thank God that sickeningly sweet, utterly predictable show revolving around a coffee shop has been finally cancelled!
Anyone that saw the "series finale" on Thursday witnessed nothing less than an atrocity. From Ross bawling his eyes out to show his "sensitive side" (obviously the writers are trying to appeal to the Chick Demographic) to Joey breaking apart a foos-ball table to win the heart of...well, a Chick, the storylines were painfully sophomoric. Worse, they weren't funny.
* Major League Baseball came up with the brilliant idea of "marketing to kids" by the logo of Spiderman 2 on the base paths and home plate during a bunch of games in June.
Now - I understand that baseball is a business, and the bottom line of the teams is to make money. I'm fine with that.
However, check out this quote from Jacqueline Parkes, MLB senior VP of advertising and marketing:
Over the past year and a half, we've been doing substantive research to determine the best ways to market the game into the 21st century ... One thing that came out of the research is that we have a huge opportunity with kids, to bring them into the game. We needed to engage them in relevant and meaningful ways ... The reason we embarked on this relationship with Sony (Columbia's parent company) and Spider-Man 2 is the fact that the brand equity of Spider-Man and Major League Baseball marry up perfectly. They both have huge generational appeal, Americana, so we've got good values.
Now, there might be some substance to this if Spiderman was, in turn, promoting MLB. But they're not. This was simply a $3,000,000 money grab by baseball, and putting the logos on bases does nothing to "engage them in relevant and meaningful ways".
I mean, this executive is just LYING to us, straight out. I don't know about you, but there's nothing more annoying to me than having someone lie right to your face like that. If she had the balls to just say "we want to increase revenue, the tops of the bases are for sale", I'd actually be fine with that.
Anyway....the people saw through it, bitched long and loud, and got baseball to change its mind within a day. Poor Spidey, with the nasty PR already. All for $3,000,000...which, by the way, is 14% of Alex Rodriguez' salary!
By the way - my words of wisdom to whoever is marketing Spiderman: do not allow Kirsten Dunst in any interview situation where she reveals what a nasty *%#@ she is. Dunst has the distinction of being the most hideously unbearable, egotistical celebrity to come to a Premier List party!
* Finally, speaking of dumb executives that treat the American public as though they're idiots, we have the saga of Lisa Guerrero on Monday Night Football.
You see, Lisa was the resident "babe" on the Best Damn Sports Show Period on FOX, when the executives at ABC thought "hey, we need more sex appeal to hit that male 18-35 demographic. "Lets put Lisa Guerrero on the sidelines as a reporter, that will make a huge impact on the ratings."
Look at the picture of Lisa to your right from her FHM spread - this was the woman ABC put in charge of grilling NFL coaches about clock management, or NFL quarterbacks about an interception! No football fan would mind that, right?
December 1, 2003
* How f*%#ing cool was it to wake up on Sunday morning to learn that Saddam Hussein was captured? As U.S. Major General Raymond Odierno put it, "He was caught just like a rat. When you're in a hole you can't fight back."
Just look at his pathetic, nasty face to your right, and think of all the horrible things this guy has done through the years, both internationally and to his own people!
I remember watching an HBO Real Sports special a year ago, learning that he ordered his military to torture the Iraqi National Soccer Team when they lost a competition, forcing them to swim in a feces-infested sewer.
That man deserves every embarassment & humiliation he is sure to receive, going forward!
* In case you missed it, former New York Giant Lawrence Taylor has written a tell-all book. It was public knowledge for years that LT was a cokehead. I remember going to see The Wedding Singer a few years ago, and there was a scene where he spoke to a group of kids that Adam Sandler's character organized, and he wound up his speech with the following statement:
"Remember, kids, don't do drugs"
As fate would have it, The Wedding Singer was released literally 2 days after his arrest! I swear to God, when he said that line, the audience broke into the biggest laughter I've heard in a movie theater since Tom Cruise danced around in his underwear in Risky Business. But I digress...
LT's "big book revalation" was that, on the night before a big game, he would pay for prostitutes to show up at opposing players' hotels rooms and, uh, "service" them.
Now, I always thought that sex was good for mental clarity and focus, but who am I to argue with a Hall of Fame Career?
* There are athletes out there that ARE worth rooting for. Take Curt Schilling, recently traded from the Arizona Diamondbacks to the Boston Red Sox (to your right, engaged in "man hug" with Randy Johnson after winning the WS with Arizona).
Now, I realize a lot of you are Yankee fans - if that's the case, put your biases aside, read this story and consider the man, not the uniform!
Schilling had a complete no-trade clause, meaning Arizona could not send him to another team without his permission. He was set up in Arizona with plenty of money, great weather, a new, big house, and fame. But he knew the passion of Red Sox fans (and craved a contract extension) so he agreed to meet with Sox management over Thanksgiving to consider the trade.
There’s dufus "Joe" at Yankee Stadium, with an empty seat next to him.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I get it, that’s supposed to be symbolic! Some girl will be lucky enough to fill the seat next to Cowboy Joe, but for now he’s all alone. Well, spank my ass and call me Lucky.
The end result is predictable. Season 1 of Joe Millionaire, rating of 18.2. Season 2 debuts last Monday to a rating of.....6.6! Yup, that’s about 35% of its earlier debut rating!
Now, taking an unscientific poll of women I know, the response I get is “the guy in the new one isn’t that good looking.” Fine.
But 2 other reasons:
a) dumbass marketing
b) the fact that these women on the show are just unwatchable. I mean, every show needs a person or 2 to hate, I get that. But if ALL the women are annoying and greedy, and if the guy is a poor hick from Texas that isn’t that good looking, well, we’re not talking Super Bowl ratings here!
And speaking of annoying, ugly people....
* Celene Dion has a new "fragrance." Since the French are known for their exemplary grooming habits - especially the women, gotta love those hairy legs & pits - this is sure to be a top seller!
Yes, folks, you can spend your hard-earned money to smell like an annoying French-Canadian chick with an enormous schnozz!
Ladies out there, in the unlikely event that your dream is to date Johnny Premier, don’t smell like Celene Dion!
I mean, if you were one of the 85 million that watched, did you actually laugh during the final episode? The first hour of highlights DID contain funny moments, which further accented the fact that the show stayed along WAY too long so NBC could keep its "Must See TV" lineup and the cast could collect their paychecks. They simply ran out of ideas.
I read in the New York Post that people were 'surprised' that Chandler & Monica had twins, but who with an IQ over 85 couldn't see that coming?
These are 2 surprises I would have enjoyed:
* Phoebe belting Ross when he started crying on her shoulder like an infant
* Monica kicking Chandler in the groin after repeated sarcastic, unfunny comments.
One last point: nothing short of a miracle would give Ross a shot at Rachel in real life!
One small problem. Anytime Guerrero was put in a situation where she had to "report" or interview, it was patently obvious that she knew NOTHING about football. And as for the 18-35 males that were supposed to love seeing a babe on Monday nights in the middle of their football game....please. I mean, you watch porn or "The OC" if you want to see pretty women. During a football game, you want announcers and reporters that know what they're talking about. At least, I do.
Anyway, Guerrero will be replaced this year by an average-looking female reporter that works for ESPN and - gasp - knows sports! And ABC learned that maybe, just maybe, the American public-at-large isn't all that simple after all.
October 10, 2003
Rush Limbaugh: What a fucking hypocrite. For those who missed it (how could you?), last week he admitted to an addiction to pain pills on his radio show, and is gonna spend the next 30 days in rehab.
Now, look, I can understand that if you have back surgery, pain pills are a must.
And I get the fact that after a while, those little suckers can be awfully addictive. Even to the point where you’d buy them on the black market. Illegally.
But Rush is one of the most judgmental people alive - or, at the very least, the most judgmental person with a horde of shit-kicker-conservative listeners!
I used to be a camp counselor in college during summer vacation, and my co-counselor had the radio tuned to Rush constantly, so I’m familiar with the way these people think.
Bottom line: nothing deviant is “tolerated” by people like him. Unless they get into trouble themselves, and naturally, then expect our understanding.
Fuck them, and fuck Rush! He is a talented speaker but a total hypocrite!
And on that note...I will begin a new semi-regular blog on this space. Enjoy!